Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Vampire's Grown-Up Style-Happy Halloween


My grandmother (Genevieve) had a bookshelf full of romance novels in her Mama Bear super soft pillowy bedroom. Each book was a mass market paperback, the kind that spine's crack and leave curved white lines, like scars. I would look at their baroque covers not all interested in adult affairs. I was still into Little House and Little Women. These women were way too "big" for me.
Recently, when my book club chose to read Charlaine Harris' Dead Until Dawn (the HBO series True Blood is based on them-intriguingly good show-esp. the opening credits), I got to enjoy that cracked open mass market paperback mystery romance that my grandmother so apparently enjoyed. And it was FUN.
The book was cheesy, romance laden, blood soaked and full of tongue and cheek. I would sneak it around, reading while laundering, reading while eating dinner, reading about an ancient vampire (Bill Compton) and a modern day waitress' (Sookie Stackhouse-what a name) illicit affair....it was like cotton candy, no chewing, no work, just sugary enjoyment.

Right now, my sixth graders are really into the Twilight series with romance stars, Edward and Bella. I started reading the series over the summer so I could better know my 6th grade audience. But alas, the teen vamp lit is still on the shelf, as I am really enjoying the Harris books.
So for now, in my little undead battle, Bill Compton is kicking Edward Cullen's you know what.
Older is better, it's true.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Gut Feeling

The problem with a sticky disease like Celiac is that you can either IMMEDIATELY start feeling the good apparently wonderful effects of a gluten-free diet OR it may take up to a year or two....OH JOY! Sorry, it's been a crappy week (no pun intended).

Monday, October 19, 2009

Breaking News!

Breaking News In Fullerland:

Husband shaves almost 4 year old son's hair into a mohawk-a real one!

Same son is acting very cranky which is very out of character.....new hairdo issues?

Husband takes son to doctor, thinking head lice- NO, it's dried up mousse from mohawk!

But finds out son does HAVE double ear infection.....explaining the cranky and thus redeeming himself, though only slightly (hee hee hee).

Beth finds out she can NOT eat the grass in the front yard-fertilizers, shucks.

But she is finding healthy alternatives to her soft, warm, buttery morning bagel and she is losing weight-bonus!

But Beth also finds out she's LACTOSE intolerant as well...rat farts!

Well at least now, she can steal back her mousse from her husband.

In conclusion, the Fullers are looking good and, my friends, that's all that matters...right? (chuckle, chuckle)

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday Night Equation

25 miles to the movies, J and me (Where the Wild Things Are-yipee!)
50 fine tip pens my son draws with on the way
30 minutes of NPR
5 minute walk into the theatre
20 dollars for tickets
7 dollar popcorn
6 dollars worth of candy (M-n-M's are thankfully not on my no no list)
2-3 dollar bladder bursting drinks
5 minutes into movie.....
"Mommy, I think I am going to be sick."
Criminy!

25 miles home....

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Mourning the Malt

Sigh....I've had this clipping from a magazine for a year or more....finally got my Martha Stewart on and I am making them with the kiddos today..alas, I find out I am allergic to them. Drat! How can something this darn cute be poison?
Okay, I promise not to complain much more....just give me a little more time to mourn my malt (it's in the rice crispy treats that are the body of the FrankenTreat-yep/and of course, pretzels are a no no).
I do promise this blog won't turn in a Celiac-Count-Em 3 whole different ways to get your carbs on -blog. I am SURE to find something funny in all of this. Just give me time....my pretties (insert witch cackle) just give me time......

Monday, October 12, 2009

Cracked Open

My husband and I gladly threw out every parenting advice book we ever owned a few years ago. It was so fun to hear the thunk of the books hit the bottom of the trash can. I didn't even offer them to other people, or swap them on PaperBackSwap because no one should be so confused as I was after reading them.
Each book contradicted the other, each one with its own nauseating flair of self righteousness...I couldn't take it anymore.
Yet today, I am awaiting the book...yes, the book with all of the answers....it has been suggested to me by many friends. I have not wanted to own such book as I don't want any more dang advice (from people I don't know)...but alas Raising Your Spirited Child is in the mail waiting for me to crack its cover and discover that yes, I do have a very sensitive child (I knew this already so no news there). The thing is I want to know why...why does my child not want to wear jeans? Or socks with seams? Why does he start crying when I suggest we go to the movies? Or I cut the crust off his bread the wrong way...why does he lose it? And what can I do, aside from mixing Xanax into my smoothie, to make it better for all of us.
I'm really interested to find out what makes this special brand of kid tick. I should understand some of it, I really should. Many years ago I was riffling through my box of old report cards and found a report of me in pre-school....."Beth is a very sensitive and independent kid. You can see her gripping her pencil until her fingers turn white before she will ask for help."...I know I've mentioned that I used to make my dad pick all of the pills off my socks before I would wear them. Wait a minute......I bet my mom has a copy of this book.

(P.S-Got the book-wish I had had this three years ago.)

Never Ever

It was a really crazy week last week....getting diagnosed with an auto-immune disease was just one little thing...then somehow, my brain thought it would be a good idea to have my son vaccinated at school for the N1H1 flu. Hello? What? (btw-I am not commenting on the actual vaccinating, I'll keep my opinions about that to myself-what a quagmire)....
It could be said that I was preoccupied last week.....but really, what was I thinking? I know who I'm dealing with here and WHAT I am dealing with-a traumatizing school day for the less hardy.

Sending my sensitive child to school to get a shot?? I might as well sign up for homeschooling right now (And I am so sure that the school police would come knocking on my door because I just know that my kid would end up doing an art project for every single thing in the curriculum. Let's paint math facts! and so on-well, actually that's not such a bad idea)

Of course
, I would never get him to go to school EVER again, I mean that, never ever ever again. I'm hoping going on this gluten-free diet will somehow return my brain to working capacity, give me more energy and return my creativity (which has been in the dumps). It's a tall task but I'm counting on it. Well, I know my son is, for sure.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Glutton for Gluten


Finally, Elizabeth Hasselbeck from The View and I have something in common (other than sharing our name and having three kids)-we both have Celiac Disease. Yep, we finally figured out the culprit- my own body is attacking the glutens in my system and let me tell you-I was a glutton for gluten.
I know it's kind of a buzz word right now-Celiac disease. It's the "in" disease as one would say but I can't tell you how not cool it is to have this, really. I'm keeping my head up because I want to be healthy again...but for those of you who think it's just cutting out the wheat in your diet take a look below at what people with Celiac can't eat.....and there's even more not in the list as glutens are in practically EVERYTHING, Twizzlers, deli meat from the deli (cross contamination issues), wine coolers (well, shucks), dry roasted nuts (peanut butter), some toothpastes, even blue cheese is sometimes dusted with flour, so when it is all said and done I can basically eat the grass in my front yard.

Now, I know I am going to get responses about someone having a friend who is "just fine" being a Celiac but just let me mourn my Fat Tires, pizza delivery, not being able to eat my mother's home baked breads and the worst, not being able to eat my own kid's birthday cakes....ah shucks, Celiac-well, at least I know now. It's a whole new gluten free world and I am hoping to at least end up as svelte as Ms. Hasselbeck, one can always hope. Maybe I'll just work on that pouty look (see cover of book above:)


Abyssinian Hard (Wheat triticum durum)
Alcohol (Spirits - Specific Types)
Amp-Isostearoyl Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein
Atta Flour
Barley Grass (can contain seeds)
Barley Hordeum vulgare
Barley Malt
Beer (most contain barley or wheat)
Bleached Flour
Bran
Bread Flour
Brewer's Yeast
Brown Flour
Bulgur (Bulgar Wheat/Nuts)
Bulgur Wheat
Cereal Binding
Chilton
Club Wheat (Triticum aestivum subspecies compactum)
Common Wheat (Triticum aestivum)
Cookie Crumbs
Cookie Dough
Cookie Dough Pieces
Couscous
Crisped Rice
Dinkle (Spelt)
Disodium Wheatgermamido Peg-2 Sulfosuccinate
Durum wheat (Triticum durum)
Edible Coatings
Edible Films
Edible Starch
Einkorn (Triticum monococcum)
Emmer (Triticum dicoccon)
Enriched Bleached Flour
Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour
Enriched Flour
Farina
Farina Graham
Farro
Filler
Flour (normally this is wheat)
Fu (dried wheat gluten)
Germ
Graham Flour
Granary Flour
Groats (barley, wheat)
Hard Wheat
Heeng
Hing
Hordeum Vulgare Extract
Hydrolyzed Wheat Gluten
Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein
Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein Pg-Propyl Silanetriol
Hydrolyzed Wheat Starch
Hydroxypropyltrimonium Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein
Kamut (Pasta wheat)
Kecap Manis (Soy Sauce)
Ketjap Manis (Soy Sauce)
Kluski Pasta
Maida (Indian wheat flour)
Malt
Malted Barley Flour
Malted Milk
Malt Extract
Malt Syrup
Malt Flavoring
Malt Vinegar
Macha Wheat (Triticum aestivum)
Matza
Matzah
Matzo
Matzo Semolina
Meringue
Meripro 711
Mir
Nishasta
Oriental Wheat (Triticum turanicum)
Orzo Pasta
Pasta
Pearl Barley
Persian Wheat (Triticum carthlicum)
Perungayam
Poulard Wheat (Triticum turgidum)
Polish Wheat (Triticum polonicum)
Rice Malt (if barley or Koji are used)
Roux
Rusk
Rye
Seitan
Semolina
Semolina Triticum
Shot Wheat (Triticum aestivum)
Small Spelt
Spirits (Specific Types)
Spelt (Triticum spelta)
Sprouted Wheat or Barley
Stearyldimoniumhydroxypropyl Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein
Strong Flour
Suet in Packets
Tabbouleh
Tabouli
Teriyaki Sauce
Timopheevi Wheat (Triticum timopheevii)
Triticale X triticosecale
Triticum Vulgare (Wheat) Flour Lipids
Triticum Vulgare (Wheat) Germ Extract
Triticum Vulgare (Wheat) Germ Oil
Udon (wheat noodles)
Unbleached Flour
Vavilovi Wheat (Triticum aestivum)
Vital Wheat Gluten
Wheat, Abyssinian Hard triticum durum
Wheat amino acids
Wheat Bran Extract
Wheat, Bulgur
Wheat Durum Triticum
Wheat Germ Extract
Wheat Germ Glycerides
Wheat Germ Oil
Wheat Germamidopropyldimonium Hydroxypropyl Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein
Wheat Grass (can contain seeds)
Wheat Nuts
Wheat Protein
Wheat Triticum aestivum
Wheat Triticum Monococcum
Wheat (Triticum Vulgare) Bran Extract
Whole-Meal Flour
Wild Einkorn (Triticum boeotictim)
Wild Emmer (Triticum dicoccoides)
The following items may or may not contain gluten depending on where and how they are made, and it is sometimes necessary to check with the manufacturer to find out:

Artificial Color4
Baking Powder4
Caramel Color1, 3
Caramel Flavoring1, 3
Clarifying Agents4
Coloring4
Dextrins1,7
Dextrimaltose1,7
Diglycerides4
Dry Roasted Nuts4
Emulsifiers4
enzymes4
Fat Replacer4
Flavoring6
Food Starch1, 4
Food Starch Modified1, 4
Glucose Syrup4
Glycerides4
Gravy Cubes4
Ground Spices4
HPP4
HVP4
Hydrolyzed Plant Protein4
Hydrolyzed Protein4
Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein4
Hydrogenated Starch Hydrolysate4
Hydroxypropylated Starch4
Maltose4
Miso4
Mixed Tocopherols4
Modified Food Starch1, 4
Modified Starch1, 4
Mono and Diglycerides1, 4
Monoglycerides1, 4
Natural Flavoring6
Natural Flavors6
Natural Juices4
Non-dairy Creamer4
Pregelatinized Starch4
Protein Hydrolysates4
Seafood Analogs4
Seasonings4
Sirimi4
Smoke Flavoring4
Soba Noodles4
Soy Sauce4
Soy Sauce Solids4
Sphingolipids4
Stabilizers4
Starch1, 4
Stock Cubes4
Suet4
Tocopherols4
Vegetable Broth4
Vegetable Gum4
Vegetable Protein4
Vegetable Starch4
Vitamins4
Wheat Starch5

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Field Trip

Yesterday, we were on a field trip at the "Field of Flowers" farm, Colin asked if he could run into one of the empty, flowerless fields. I hestitated as the class was picking flowers and looking for bugs in another area of the farm, you know, an area WITH flowers.
"No Colin, we should join the rest of your class over by the barn, buddy", I said.
"But MOM, it is a FIELD TRIP."
Oh, boy...and how can you argue with that.
(Really, I don't make this up)

Gown