The Smiths' The Queen is Dead on repeat. 1987-wanting to be liked, noticed, having no idea what I was growing up into, 1990-wanting to leave but also wanting to stay right at home, 1992-1994-watching surfer boyfriends find their waves, but still looking for mine. Always some kind of heartbreak.
Then I was gone for so long......October 2000, I'm reading Margaret Atwood's The Blind Assasin, with sketchbooks a-scatter on a stretched beach blanket alone on a beautiful October day, a bright idea, no more trying to make a Mr. Right Guy, no more dating Mr. Wrong for far too long. I know, I'll actually try dating (imagine that). I go home (Harrisonburg at the time), make a date with a friend for THAT Friday and that was that, we've been together now for 10 years in October, so much for dating eh?
I can tell you what book I was reading when I wondered at the beach, who would I be? And I can tell you the music on repeat as to who I was wondering about. Each Duck getaway marks a certain time, young, naive, awkward, new, exciting, older, wondering, sighing, mothering, tired, branching, aching, wanting to sleep.....then new again. The beach makes me think, presents me ideas like offerings,waves wash, repeat, change, make a new decision.....move on, go home.
P.S-my entire house was torn apart while I was at the beach. All new wood floors were put in. My house looks like autumn and feels like a new start. Lots of new things happening, it's all good.