Conversation last night with my husband (God Bless Him):
While watching the Emmy's.....
Both of us: "How old do you think she is? He is?".......
Him: During a commercial, "You like that Ryan Gosling don't you?"
Me: "Um, yes. But just because he was in Lars and the Real Girl, one of my all time favorite movies."
Him: "You know you can put him on your list (you all know the hypothetical "list" of allowable stars one can "date"). if you wanted to"
Me: "Um, yes, but I don't really have one."
Him: "What, why?"
Me: "Because I am old*. And I used to believe that there was a time when I actually could have dated one of the "guys" on my list and now, it just seems desparate, like, like, an old woman."
Him (with sarcasm): "Wow, you ARE old .".....(and delusional**)
Me: "Yep and cynical too."
Him: "What are we going to do for your 40th, it's in exactly 5 months. " (audible gasp).
Me: "I don't care what you do but if you invite anybody to some kind of party.....there's got to be one big rule."
Him: "And what is that?" (he dares to ask)
Me: "No one is allowed to say 'OH THANK GOD I'VE STILL GOT A FEW YEARS UNTIL I'M 40' at my party."
(You know those people, it's kind of showing up to someone's hospital bed and saying out loud that you are sooooo glad you aren't the one dying of shingles).
Him: "Okay......sooooo, what you are saying is that I shouldn't invite anyone who isn't already 40."
Me: "BRILLIANT! YES!"
Him: "Even better, I'll invite a bunch of 80 year olds, that's bound to make you feel better."
Me;" YES! Yes! Perfect! Oh but wait, you're younger than me, you won't be 40 so you couldn't even come to my party......"
*this is a common complaint of mine, although, actually, I don't really think I am.
**actually, I am not completely delusional......friends will attest to my run ins with celebrities, it's weird I know but I swear it's true.....in 1994 I was volunteering with Rock the Vote at the Hollywood Palladium in Los Angeles and a very cute leather clad young man asked me to a party after the show (Nine Inch Nails by the way). I reasoned that he was most likely the very cute, Jared Leto.....but my girlfriend who was with me had never heard of him, rendering him simply just a cute boy in too tight pants without an over 21 bracelet (which was confusing because I actually knew that he was about 23, maybe he had left his ID at home, do celebrities do that?). So, I turned him down.
Later, my friend confirmed after watching an episode of My So Called Life (he was Jordan Catalano on that show) that I was right, it was indeed a bracelet-less Jared Leto that had propositioned me, and that, yes, I was crazy, but for other reasons. And after, all of that....I think that Jared just really wanted.......really wanted.....really wanted me........really wanted me......to buy him a beer.