Sunday, December 22, 2013

Review: Prisoners

I've often thought of posting "what I thought of" a movie review-y kind of thing.....I mean, I google movies after I see them, sometimes in frustration (a lot) and occasionally because it was just so amazing (rare these days), usually I am googling for the soundtrack, like the great music in Our Idiot Brother, not so good movie but this is a great song....listen, you'll love it.


Okay, back to the subject at hand. I can't tell you how many times I re-write movies in my head. I love to edit. I love to make them better. I wonder why Hollywood doesn't come to me. Because I can tell you RIGHT off, what's wrong with your movie, any genre. My husband has started to really believe me, because I can tear holes in things like nobodies business. I can HOWEVER, suspend my disbelief if the movie warrants it. Don't think watching movies with me is some type of torture. I wonder, DO they even have test audiences anymore or is it just push play. So let's talk about Prisoners.

Here's the quick Warner Brother's synopsis:
How far would you go to protect your family? Keller Dover is facing every parent's worst nightmare. His six-year-old daughter, Anna, is missing, together with her young friend, Joy, and as minutes turn to hours, panic sets in. The only lead is a dilapidated RV that had earlier been parked on their street. Heading the investigation, Detective Loki arrests its driver, Alex Jones, but a lack of evidence forces his release. As the police pursue multiple leads and pressure mounts, knowing his child's life is at stake the frantic Dover decides he has no choice but to take matters into his own hands. But just how far will this desperate father go to protect his family? 

1. Why does Detective Loki (Jake Gyllenhaal) constantly blink? Constantly. I found myself just watching his eyes, wondering when he would blink next...when.....when.....blink....blink.....

2. How is it that the father, Hugh Jackman's ready for ANYTHING, and I do mean EVERYTHING, EXCEPT a little ole' grandma (watch movie, you'll agree). For a survivalist tough guy, he lets a little old lady take him TO THE SECOND LOCATION, Hugh, every woman who has ever watched Oprah knows, this is a BIG NO NO. By no means, let the little old lady take you to a second location.

3. The red herring. Dumb and made the movie about 30 minutes longer than the average person's attention span. Also, when Detective Loki is chasing the red herring, he lets him jump on top of him from a tree (yes, you read that right) and get away. Maybe it was because he was blinking too much.

4. The ending. Yes, it's one of those. The credits come on and whatever you had in your hand at the time is soon found hurtling toward the TV (if you saw this in the theater, it was probably your empty Junior Mint box). You most likely know what happens, you know, but I think they must have run out of money and thought, hey, this looks like a good place to stop.


These type of movies are tough to swallow. Usually, I say no to kids in danger in movies or kids as ghosts. But I thought, this may be the kind of movie that makes you think. What would I do for my kids? I answered that question quickly, I would do what Hugh Jackman did and more. It was pretty bad but not so bad that you cringed. Well, a little. I'm Irish and although I am a very pleasant person, I've been known to push over the neighborhood bully on roller skates, yeah, that's right.
It is a good movie, it has good bones. But it's kind of like a kid wearing cashmere in an art class. Dressed up, messy and baffling.

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