Saturday, November 28, 2015

The Underneath







This fall has been tough. Our second dog died of old age. We are dogless now. Trying to get another, but disappointment after disappointment. Mom, breast cancer, but alive and doing well. My job, tiring. 600 kids coming through my room, a week, my head is spinning. I'm finding myself jealous of the cashiers at Wegmans. (Hey, it is a good job). I am better in small batches. I love to teach to the student and not so much in bulk. It took 15 years to realize this. But that's just it. As we age, we get wiser as to what's best for us.
Why is change so scary as you get older?
Today, we almost got a dog. A little black lab mixed with pointer but there were two families ahead of us at the shelter. I got myself ready to walk it in the morning, to buy the body toppling bag of dog food again, to pick up EVERYTHING off the floor. I saw the father and son who got the little guy. I'm sure they'll be great. We would be better of course.

I have been a teacher since I was 19. It was one of those things that I thought would fill the gaps. The in-betweens, you know. I like it, I do but I want something more....
So who am I to want to want more from a job? But I do.

Sometimes, when I'm on here, I click the link to "other posts you might enjoy". why thank you blogger.  I just read my post about taking my boys to see the Blue Man group. My oldest son cajoled me into buying him a red DC hoodie (read the post here) and darned if he doesn't STILL wear the thing. When I read these though, I find myself short of breath on occasion. How did I let things change so much? How is it that I don't remember the looks on their faces when the toilet paper shot out of Blue Man cannons? I feel sometimes like I am drowning in the rapids of time swooshing past.
Just trying to pop my head up above the water.
The dog.
He/she would have been a great distraction.
We would have been the better choice of course.


1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

Always love reading your blog, Beth. I am sorry about your dog : ( Our older dog (we adopted her 3.5 years ago at 6ish) just got diagnosed with super horrid advanced congestive heart failure and none of us are dealing with that very well. Dumb dogs, we get so attached to them. xxoo