I know I've written about this scary little thing before, change. But I couldn't tell you when as I have completely fallen off the blogging grid. I will say though, there's nothing like a fire underneath you to make you move out of the direction of the flame.
Amanda Palmer told this antidote that I found to fit so perfectly.
An old man sat on the porch seeming calm and unaffected by the howling going on inside his house. A neighbor asks, what is going on? What's that noise?
Old man responds, oh, it's my dog.
The neighbor is disturbed, why is your dog howling? Shouldn't you help him?
Oh no, he's just sitting on a nail.
What? the neighbor responds. Why doesn't he get up?
It doesn't hurt enough yet, the old man says.
Many mornings, I wake up reflective. And I ask myself, Does it hurt enough yet?
Does not making your art hurt enough yet? Not taking care of yourself hurt enough yet? Not making career decisions that are necessary hurt enough yet? Because all of this is good change. Making art again-good change. Healthier choices-good change. New direction in teaching-good change. Still it has teeth. It's scary. And no matter, people will judge. But in the long run, it's what's best for me and my family.
Scary means new things, new things mean new art, new views mean better life. That's good enough for me.